I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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