How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
