I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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