I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
