God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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