i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
