How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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