Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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