I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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