i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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