Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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