how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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