You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
