I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
