we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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