My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
