I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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