why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
