i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
