wrigley field is MILF paradise
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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