She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
