he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
