I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
