I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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