my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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