Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dicks are not precious.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
