i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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