Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
