He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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