You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
