i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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