You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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