that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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