You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
