Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
