Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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