Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
