if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
