This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
