Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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