stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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