I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
