i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
