Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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