I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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