the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
