I think I won the penis lottery.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
