i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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