Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
