Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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