As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
