I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
